Stjärnorna i natten dom vet..

img_1216Om du ikke har hørt om svensk, finsk, somaliske Cherrie MÅ du Google henne pronto. Skandinavias første ordentlige r&b plate kanskje? Hun er så flink at man orker nesten ikke høre på, man vil jo bare gå å bli rnb stjerne selv. En skandinavisk Jhene Aiko typ. Balsam for sjelen rett og slett. Beaten drar meg rett tilbake til slutten av 90 tidlig 2000 tallet hvor hip hop og r&b faktisk var… nettopp det (no shade..) Anywayz, Cherrie spiller i Oslo i november og det blir såååå smooth! Gleder meg!✨

Å være lykkelig selv om 💕

img_1192I dag har jeg vært på yoga, og noe av det som slo meg mens vi holdt på var hvor godt det er å være meg! Selv om det ene og det andre så føles det innmari godt å være meg akkurat nå. Jeg er så heldig som har fått plass å akkurat denne yoga gruppen, jeg har venner som lyser opp livet mitt, jeg opplever masse nytt og spennende når jeg bare tar motet til meg å prøver og jeg kjenner rett å slett på at AKKURAT her og nå, når ting er AKKURAT som de er så er det allikevel veldig godt å være AKKURAT den jeg er. Vi får jo tross alt aldri tilbake denne perioden i livet så hvorfor ikke bare nyte det som ER, akkurat her og akkurat nå? Takk livet (og yoga) for denne åpenbaringen 🙂

Ha en vakker onsdag alle mine elsklinger 💜

Let’s get down to business..

img_1188Let’s have a conversation about sex. I haven’t felt comfortable to speak on it before because I’ve been holding shame around it, but I am releasing that shame as it does not serve me or anybody else.

Unlearn the idea that sex = penetration. Sex is much more than that. This idea of sex is one we have been taught by a society that hates women, that represses women due to a fear of her recognising her power, which sees women as weak & inferior. This idea of sex = sex is something men to do women, according to his desire, which she is a recipient of, and which ends when he climaxes. Why, the fuck, should it be normal that sex between two equal beings ends when HE cums, regardless of whether or not she has, despite the fact that she can cum again and again and again?? It makes me feel so sick and so sad that I still find myself battling with guilt about the fact that my favourite part of sex is foreplay, that I do not want to have intercourse until I’ve cum first.. At least once. I feel too guilty to say that «I don’t want to have sex and not cum», because I have been taught that you are not allowed to ask for what you want as a woman, that it is somehow unfair to the man, despite the fact that HE will always cum regardless. Why is his guaranteed but mine up for dispute? Why is he even okay with us having sex and me NOT coming??? He would (in most cases) certainly not be okay with it if it was the other way around, and neither would I to be frank.. But why not? I prefer foreplay to penetration, sometimes I don’t want to have «sex» but I get to a certain point and I feel powerless to express that, because I feel so guilty for taking him to this point with no release…. Despite the fact that this has happened to me many many many times before, without an apology or batting of an eyelid from the partner. In all honesty, I also feel fear. I feel fear about how he will respond to me saying I don’t want to «go any further», because I am in such a vulnerable situation, just the perceived risk alone has made me avoid saying it. So I opt for the illusion of control, I say fuck it I’ll just do it and get it over with, and I convince myself that’s a choice.

Because I’d rather believe I made a choice, even if it was not the choice I wanted to make, than risk not being given a choice… Do you catch my drift? This fear is real and it is deeply ingrained, for me anyway, and this is why consent can feel like such a complex issue. But this is why consent is so important. Consent being a discussion, an honest and open discussion that gives both partners a space to voice what they want and what they don’t want. We aren’t taught to communicate this openly though, so this is something we have to learn to prioritise and understand the value of. If we want any relationship and any relations of value we must have communication. Maybe if you can’t have a conversation about sex with the person you are having sex with, perhaps you shouldn’t be having sex with them. It sounds simple, and it is, but it’s not easy. Women have been taught that our value rests on our sexual attractiveness to men, so if we feel like communication or honesty could trigger a mans ego into defensiveness, we risk losing our worth. Since men are taught that women are objects that exist for their pleasure, triggering a mans ego can also be a risk to our safety. Painful reality. It is a dangerous game that we must do what we can to free ourselves from, and love ourselves through.

Men: If you have sex with the sole intention of making yourself cum, you’re unlikely to accept this, but you are having shit sex. When your intention is to make her cum, trust me, you’re winning in life. Most men realistically, sorry to say, won’t have ever experienced sex with a woman who is truly comfortable, feels worshipped & does not feel used. Because, patriarchy. When a woman is actually comfortable enough to enjoy herself (which from my experience is tough due to the many insecurities tied up in the vulnerability of sex), you will have the best time. Her enjoyment is the greatest reward you can imagine. When you have truly experienced female pleasure you will get why mainstream porn is so disgusting, because it is a sick & twisted representation of sex, that corrupts the minds of so many young men and women. For many it is their only source of sexual education because this society doesn’t teach open communication, and it truly breaks my heart to think about. This is not a judgement of pornstars, what I’m saying has nothing to do with them personally, my problem is with the ideas, imaging and the programming it contributes to.

~ Cleo Forstater

Kan du bare kysse meg litt oftere? Hver dag kanskje?

img_8917Hvor ofte har vi samtaler eller chatter med mennesker som gjør at du blir sittende igjen med en litt sur ettersmak av hvorfor sa jeg det på den måten, hvorfor var jeg bare ikke ærlig, hvorfor sa jeg ikke det jeg egentlig mente osv du skjønner tegninga? Jeg hører Don Miguel Ruiz snakke om hans bok The four agreements og det fikk meg til å tenke på noe min mor sa her om dagen når jeg klaget på en samtale som hadde gått en smule skeis. «Men Vanesa, hvorfor sa du ikke bare det du egentlig mente?»

God spm tenkte jeg, jo for av å til kan det å pakke inn sannheter føles litt tryggere enn å bare buse ut med det man egentlig mente. Man blir litt (MYE) mindre sårbare rett og slett,og alle vet jo hvor lite komfortabelt det er å vandre rundt hudløs. Det jeg hadde sagt var at vedkommende.. kremt… virka litt fraværende… men det jeg EGENTLIG prøvde å si var jo bare om han kunne tenke seg å kysse meg litt oftere.. kanskje hver dag for eksempel? Men det var ikke helt sånn det kom ut🙄

Istedenfor pakket jeg det inn i en litt mer non chalant og dømmende sms som ikke heeelt hadde samme feeling.. Note to self: hør på Don Miguel når han sier «Be impeccable with your words». Det kommer vi nok mye lengre med. Flere enn meg som kjenner seg igjen i den situasjonen? Anyone? 😬

 #1 Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

#2 Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

#3 Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

#4 Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

 

Curves’n things🍐

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Taking a stillphoto of your curves while promoting #bodypositivity and #selflove is one thing but what you do out in the real world is the true test because these curves stay moving! #hasnochillwhatsoever Aint nothing standing still over here when i move around.

Like, when you’re seing someone new whos not having to worry about those types of flaws.. 😏 #annoyinglyfitathletes #helloselfconsciousness 🤔💪🏽⚽️😁🙈 What do you do? Do you keep the top on at ALL times to hide your soft belly, or turn the lights off forgetting all about what you been preaching or do you let yourself be wild and free, flaws and all? Im being tested bruh! Does she practice what she preach? Thats what the universe is asking these days and let me tell you! Im not as confident as i thought i was 😩

I havent had any complaints yet lol, and hopefully there wont be any and if he/she doesnt like your «flaws» they’re not the one for you anywayz so why not show em who you are and what you look like from the get go! I didnt notice what my ex looked like untill after we broke up coz i was so busy loving him, as a whole, and that is how love should be so if you’re letting your soft belly, saggy ass tits and tigerstriped donk out 🍑 and that scares him, he wasnt yours to keep anyway so moral og the story is: do whatever the fuck you wanna do ,whenever you wanna do it lights off, clothes off or whatever floats your goat coz you #savage AF 🐯 (i pray he wont read this and hold me to it tho) 😂😩😂💃🏽 so yeah, luff yuhself. #notetoself

Fåkke fly bort

Du vet når du lengter etter noen og de endelig kommer til deg i drømmene dine, tilbringer hele natta med deg og alt er perfekt. Så våkner du å skjønner det hele bare var en drøm, og du har ikke lyst til å våkne opp fra drømmen for du vil ikke miste de enda en gang så du presser øyne igjen for å få nyte noen ekstra minutter med de? Lukte på de. Se på de. Ta på de. Høre stemmen deres. Klemme de. Være nær de. Den følelsen.

Den vær så snill å ikke fly bort følelsen.

Den jeg savner deg så mye at det gjør vondt følelsen..

Den jeg lurer på om du noen gang tenker på meg følelsen..

Ja, den følelsen.

God morgen fredag 💜

Go easy on me 🙏🏽